Remembering September 11, 2001

I had just been in this country for about a month at the time.  Most of my classes in the morning were ESL (English as Second Language) classes.  Since school had only been in session for about a week, I really hadn't learned much.  I could vaguely remember some frantic whispering in the hallways as we were being led to the cafeteria.  I was thinking to myself why were we going to the cafeteria so early in the morning? It's not even lunch time yet.  Then I spotted the only people I knew in the school, some Chinese kids, and went to them.  They pointed to the TV and said there was some kind of attack in New York City.  I had never been to NYC and the only things I've ever heard about the city was from some Chinese-American movies, which didn't show the Twin Towers, so my knowledge of them or about them was next to zero.  All I remember was seeing two really tall buildings in smoke.  I couldn't grasp the seriousness of the situation or what it meant.  I thought it was an accident.  I'm sure the word "terrorist" was being said multiple times but there was no way that I could understand it.  The only information I could gather from the people around me was that we were being sent home early.  To this day, I still can't remember what I was feeling.  Was I scared? Was I confused?  I must have been confused since I didn't understand a word people were saying.  But I honestly do not have any recollection of what I was feeling at all.  I didn't know why some kids were crying.  And I didn't know why we were being sent home.  There was no one to translate for me, everyone was busy with their own emotions, so I just went with the flow.

I got home and my mom hadn't left for work yet.  She was watching TV and calling her friends on the phone.  She told me someone called her and said the Twin Towers had been hit by planes and soon after, they collapsed.  She said she thought it was happening in a movie since there was a movie years ago with similar scenario, but her friend assured her it was all very real.  Then she started saying how shameful it was to have such a huge loss.... I still didn't understand what it meant.  Thinking back now, I feel like an idiot.  How could I not know what the World Trade Center was??

A few months after the event, we went to NYC to visit family friends and the ground zero was just opened for public viewing.  As I watched crowds of people putting down teddy bears and writing notes on the boards, I finally felt the overwhelming feeling of loss.  I don't know how or why, but I felt what others were feeling..  sadness.  I didn't know anyone who died there, but I felt connected to the people who lost their loved ones.  Each person who lost their lives that day was someone's father, son, daughter, mother, friend... We all lost someone we love unexpectedly and violently in the hands of killers with no remorse or humanity.  All the feelings that I didn't feel on the actual day of the attack came rushing down on me and I just broke down.

One thing I know I would never understand is how could anyone do such a thing... I know we have a label for those people: terrorists.  But were they just born without any humanity?  What kind of religious belief would drive someone to kill thousands of people and still feeling justified doing so?

I'm sure as the world come together to remember this tragic day, there will be plenty of stories from survivors and close-by speculators of the event.  Some may feel the guilt that they survived and others didn't, but we all just have to remember that what happened is in the past.  We cannot bring back the dead, but we can live for them.  Live your life to the fullest, if not for yourself then for those who sacrificed theirs for you.