It's late, I just finished a full-length LSAT practice test and I'm beat. But I wanted to update even though no one is reading (it's probably better this way anyway).

My mind wonders during the day due to lack of work assignments, but I still have to pretend to look like I'm busy in the office so they don't fire me... ya know how that goes.  My boss was nice enough to let me have Wednesdays off until my test day, as long as I work enough during other days to make 40-hr work week.  So it's been REALLY tough trying to fill the hours.  By tough I mean I have to constantly get up and walk around and pretend that I'm going to important places doing important things; I always have to have papers scattered on my desk to look like I'm actually doing stuff; I have to be careful not to get caught going on social networking sites; basically just a lot of acting.  Some people may say "hey, what are you complaining about? you get paid for doing nothing!" uhhhh, it ain't that easy.  They obviously have no idea how hard it is to watch a youtube video without watching it.

Anyhoo... back on track.  So when my mind wonders, I think about a lot of life decision related things... like what should my step in life be? Get a new job? Get a boyfriend? Get a dog? What??!?  And there are the Q's like "what do I really want?" As I thought about all this, I came to the conclusion that I really haven't worked hard on any thing in my life.  Everything has been pretty much handed to me.  I've never had real obstacles.  So maybe that's why I've never really appreciated the things I do have.  There's a Chinese proverb, which basically translates to "All good things are hard to come by".  By "all good things", it means things that bring the most joy in life and are irreplaceable.  So I think to myself (in LSAT formal logic terms OF COURSE) that since most of the things I have now were all very easily obtained, they must not be life's treasures.  I don't know why, but it just motivates me to actually put in a little bit more work than before towards achieving my next goal: kicking stupid lsat in the rear.

Of course, other great motivators include: future traveling plans, paid vacations, finally being able to see my beloved friends, eat out, get a new car (cross my fingers and hoping mommy dearest would help me in the finance department), and most importantly NEVER THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

So here's to me sucking it up for the next three weeks.  I may bitch and moan, but it'll all be temporary!

Hurricanes, Tornados, Earthquakes, throw it all in and see what happens

After last tuesday's minor ground shaking, we had a nice little visitor Irene accompanied by mini-tornadoes over the weekend.  Mother nature must of really wanted to test our defenses against natural disasters.  After hearing days of warning of how bad Irene was going to be, I'd say majority of the people actually listened... Because by 5pm on Friday, I've heard numerous reports about how giant supermarkets like Target and Wal-Mart ran out of water, and gas stations ran out of gas.  Wow.  I wonder if people thought a surviving through a hurricane was the equivalent of drive across the country nonstop.  There was a guy I saw at the gas station filling up 2 5-gal containers of gas AND stocking up a propane tank in the trunk.  Talking about getting blown away..  Maybe it'd be bad karma to joke about this stuff.... But thank goodness, the higher grounds of Northern Delaware did not get as much of an impact from Irene as forecasted, and we are truly grateful.  Granted, there was some distasteful complaining from people online saying how uneventful the hurricane was, and how everyone else was making such a huge fuss, but I know it was just their twisted way of saying Thanks to mother nature for sparing us.  My condolences go out to the families who lost their loved ones in the disaster.

Earlier today, there was news that two bodies were found in a tributary just miles down from my house. That particular tributary actually flows down right outside of my neighborhood.  Though I didn't know the two guys they found, some of my friends knew them through school.  They were only 25 years old.  No one knew exactly what happened, but apparently they were trying to run through the storm during its peek hours from one friend's house to another.  When I read the article, all I could think about was "How could they have been so reckless?!"  Whether or not the tragedy could've been avoided, it's a tragedy nonetheless.  Hopefully it served as a lesson to some other brave hearts that when every news station is telling you to stay indoors during a hurricane, maybe you should listen.

With all this talk about natural disasters for the past week, I personally would really like a change of topic.  I'm tired of hearing "what if"s, or to think about what would happen "if....." I just want to live life as it is, take whatever it's throwing at me and carry on.  The end of my world will come when it comes, and it's the same for everyone else.  What is the point of trying to figure out what will happen? Can we even figure that out?  The bottom line is, no matter how much ahead we plan our futures, how meticulously detailed the plans are to cover every possibility (which by the way is impossible because life has endless possibilities), we will always always be interrupted and taken off our course because of the unforeseeable possibility (see previous parenthesis).  Am I making myself clear enough?  So I'm letting it go.  Life is so much easier lived if I stop thinking of the 100 ways I could die of in the next minute and half.  The only thing I would do is never forgetting to tell the people I love how much they mean to me, and maybe always keep my room clean (it looks like the hurricane came to my room and left in a hurry)... you never know who's coming to pick up your stuff after you're gone. ;)

Life is just a basket full of possibilities

Confession: there were times when I could have posted and wrote something meaningful but was just too darn lazy.

This month marks my TENTH anniversary since stepping onto American soil.  10 years.  At first, agonizing, then it became "home", comfortable, the "place I'd rather be".  It's strange how a person can acclimate to a completely different culture and environment.  It's more strange how a single event can change a person's, or should I say people's lives forever.  My dad's passing gave me this life.  Not to get sentimental here or anything, but not a single day goes by without me thinking what would've been different if he was still here.  I've heard people say "things happen for a reason". Maybe.  But someone else brought a different prospective, he said "it's how we act accordingly (to events happened) that make us think whatever happened did happen for a reason."  It's a lot of twist and turns, but it makes sense if you think about it.

For me, life is just a big pot of opportunities, possibilities, and surprises.  You never know what's going to happen next, that's the beauty of it all.  What's the point of having everything planned out in life?  Something will happen and change the course of that plan, and then what?  Make new plans?  Why don't we all just let it play out and see what happens?   It may sound like a lazy person's way of thinking, but doesn't it just sound more.... lively?  Maybe this is why I'm not a top rank Harvard graduate, because we all know THOSE people had their every step of their successful lives planned to the T.  In all reality, I think I would be a miserable beeotch if I were really an Ivy Leaguer.

10 years ago, I would've never imagined that I would still be living in this tax-free state.  Hell, I didn't even think I'd still be in the country.  Before I came here, when my friends from middle school asked how long I was coming for, I said I'd be back in a month, before school started.  And BAM. I stayed for 6 years before I stepped on China soil again.
I never thought my English would ever be good enough, and yet people say I don't have any accent.  I can't even fake a Chinese accent if I wanted to, it just comes out like I'm trying to speak slowly.  There were so many things I never thought I would have, and I have them all.  So I guess what I'm trying to say is, we never know what life will bring us, there's no guarantee that everything will be good, but we should count everything as a blessing in disguise.

That concludes today's report.  I will try to do better next time.

Worst at keeping up with things

I am the worst blogger in the history of blogging.  I don't even qualify as a blogger due to the lack of posts!  But here I am again, trying to make it up.  I really want to keep this up, but it's just so hard!  I don't know how people do it, writing out stuff every day is tough.

I've been struggling with some things over the past week (actually, more like my entire adult life). Mainly with the career decision.  Yay for being a grown up!  Summer is half way done, which means pretty soon I will be faced with the pain of LSAT, yet again.  It's honestly the hardest freaking thing I've ever come across.  The actual questions themselves are not so bad, it's the TIMING.  My mind can't even focus for more than 10 mins at a time, let alone 4+ hours of non-stop testing.  This time will be the final straw, it will either make me or break me.  My future depends on it.

I've heard people say law school is for geniuses who don't know what they want to do in life. Well, I'm not a genius, but I know what I will do with a JD degree though.  The problem is getting through those steel doors.  In the meanwhile, I've been offered to work full time at my job.  I could definitely use the $$ but I keep doubting myself... Will I be able to work and keep up with my test prep??  I want to mentally prepare myself for being glued to a desk and a computer (both for work and studying at home), so I could start building some self discipline.  The only thing keep me going is having my whole family behind me and supporting me, and the fact that I can finally have a stress free (aside from school applications) year!!

So this will be me from now until October 1st.

Credit goes to a talented Asian studying animation. 

thinking thoughts

So I've been spending a lot of time with our family friends over the past two weeks trying to help their daughter settle in, taking the parents out shopping, and getting all the essential services set up.  I've come to realize a few things recently.  One thing for sure is that I don't wish to have their lives or money if I could.  This wasn't the first time I've had to help some wealthy family friends move to this country, most of them were my dad's old business associates.  I have no doubt that if my dad was still here, we would be well off like most of his old partners are now, but I'm not so sure that it would be a good thing.  I'm not saying that it wouldn't be nice to spend thousands without hesitation, but something just feels off.  Having money has its own downside.  You would think that rich people would be capable of a lot more things than us plain folks, but they are also lacking a lot of other qualities in life, ones that money cannot buy.  It's hard to get into details because they are so many, but a few simple ones like compassion, understanding, loyalty, independence are all among the things they could definitely improve on.  There are certain things that people think they are entitled to, both for the wealthy and poor.  Poor people think they deserve help from others, and the wealthy think they deserve to be served.  Maybe I'm generalizing too much and being a bit harsh, but what's what it seems to me.

In a sad way, I'm glad how my life has turned out.  A lot of people say I've experienced too much "life" already at an young age, especially the kind of "life" that no one wants experience.  But that has thought me lessons that I will always treasure.  It's made me a strong person, capable of things that I would otherwise never dare to do.  And yes, it came with a greater price.  That is something I can't change, and can only accept as part of a master plan by the super(wo)man upstairs.  I believe in everything happens for a reason.  In a way, I also see it as me being saved from a wasteful and useless life, because the person I am today care more about thousand dollar shoes.  I don't want to bash anyone's lifestyle or beliefs but I just know now more than ever that I love how my life has turned out, considering the circumstances.